What Would You Like to Work On Next?

This article was adapted from my recent InnerTalk newsletter, “The Changes You Almost Don't Notice.” You can read the full newsletter on InnerTalk.com.

One of the things I've learned after using InnerTalk for more than 35 years is that I don't always reach for a program because something is “wrong.”

Sometimes there is a very specific issue I want to work on. Sometimes life has knocked me a little off balance. Sometimes I'm procrastinating over something I know perfectly well how to do. And sometimes I simply think, What would I like to become better at? Over the years, that has given me a very different way of thinking about personal growth.

Sometimes I Know Exactly What I Need

Recently, Eldon and I moved after living in our previous home for more than 30 years. Our new home has everything I wanted. I chose it. I was excited about it. And yet I kept missing the home we'd left behind. Logically, I knew how much we'd gained. Emotionally, I was struggling with what I'd lost. So I reached for Accepting Change.

I can't tell you how much this improved my outlook. Instead of continually looking backward at what I'd left behind, I found myself increasingly focusing on everything I'd gained. The circumstances hadn't changed. My relationship with the circumstances had. That's an important distinction because sometimes we really can't change what has happened. What we may be able to change is how we're responding to it.

There have been other times when I've realized I'm upset about circumstances I can't control, so I've worked with Coherent Emotion. If I have a project sitting on my desk that I know perfectly well how to do but somehow keep finding reasons not to do, Strategic Planning and Peak Performance is one of my personal standbys. Different problem. Different support.

Sometimes the Change Surprises Me

Other changes have been much less deliberate.

For years, I described myself as terrible at remembering names. It was simply something I “knew” about myself. After working with Maximizing Brain Power and Releasing Mental Blocks, however, I eventually noticed something interesting. When I'm introduced to someone now, I automatically repeat their name in my head. As Eldon and I walk away, I might use their name while talking about the interaction. Later, when I think about meeting them, I repeat the name again. I didn't consciously develop this strategy. I don't remind myself to do it. It just happens.

Several months after moving into our new neighborhood, I suddenly realized I knew my neighbors' names—even people I'd met only once, months earlier. There they were, just waiting for me when I needed them. That's one of the things I find so fascinating about subconscious change. Sometimes you don't notice yourself changing. You simply notice one day that you're doing something differently.

Sometimes Life Gives Us the Lesson

Over the past few years, I've also had to deal with some very difficult family circumstances. I did everything I reasonably could to address what was happening, but eventually I reached a point where I couldn't change what had already occurred. I could, however, decide how much more of myself I was willing to give to it. During that time, I leaned heavily on Releasing Anger and Forgiving and Letting Go.

Forgiving and letting go didn't mean deciding that what happened was okay. It meant recognizing that continuing to carry the anger wasn't changing anyone else. It was only continuing to affect me.

Looking back, I think working my way through that experience strengthened something in my inner character. And isn't that, in many ways, what personal growth is really about? Not creating a life in which nothing difficult ever happens, but becoming better equipped to decide who we're going to be when it does.

Not Everything Needs Fixing

This may be the biggest change in how I think about InnerTalk today.

There was probably a time when I thought of self-improvement primarily in terms of problems: What's wrong? What do I need to overcome? What needs fixing? But not everything needs fixing. I worked with Creative Thinking, for example, not because I thought something was wrong with my creativity, but because I wanted to become better at seeing possibilities. I wanted to look at problems without automatically assuming that the obvious answers were the only answers available.

One of the very first programs Eldon ever gave me was Soaring Self-Esteem. At the time, I didn't even think I had an esteem problem. Today, I sometimes look at things I've done—writing Mind Training, being interviewed by George Noory before an audience of millions, doing things the younger me would have been certain she couldn't do—and almost feel as though I'm looking at someone else's life.

There wasn't one dramatic transformation that took me from there to here. It happened little by little.

So, What Would You Like to Work On?

That's one of the reasons I like having so many different InnerTalk programs available.  You don't necessarily have to begin by asking, What's wrong with me?

Perhaps you're dealing with something difficult and would like some additional support. Perhaps an old belief or behavior keeps getting in your way. Perhaps there's something you've always assumed you weren't very good at. Or perhaps you're doing just fine and there's simply some quality, ability, or part of yourself you'd enjoy strengthening.

What would you like to work on next? Sometimes that's a much more interesting question.

Ravinder Taylor Author of Mind Training: The Science of Self-Empowerment

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InnerTalk includes programs addressing many different areas of personal development—from self-esteem, confidence, stress and emotional balance to creativity, memory, motivation, relationships, health-supportive attitudes and personal achievement. Please explore the InnerTalk collection and see what speaks to where you are—and where you'd like to go next.